Now You Can Fly

Phyllis gave me a butterfly pin for my birthday, the summer before I started seminary. The card said, "Now you can fly!" She mentored me and nurtured my gifts until I had the courage to break out of my familiar chrysalis and risk becoming a seminary student, something not many woman were doing in 1975.

In my first class, Woman, Man, and the Sexual Revolution, my small group envisioned a future where people would be named once their personalities and gifts were known, sort of like the practice Native Americans use. We chose names for each other and the name I was given was "Emerging Butterfly." After I graduated, my retreat ministry was called "Emergings" and my logo was a butterfly. I love this metaphor for transformation, the process of becoming who we are meant to be. In my experience it is a life-long and never-ending process.

Outgrowing one stage of life often involves a struggle. Letting go of the old so something new can emerge, sometimes something that we don't yet have a clear picture of, is scary. The hard skin of our familiar chrysalis feels safe even as our wings are stretching and calling us forth to fly. Emerging is a struggle. It can feel awful. And it is. It is filled with awe. But we usually don't experience the awe until we've emerged and realize that the emerging has strengthened us. The hard golden skin of a butterfly's pupa is called a chrysalis from the Greek word for gold, chrysos. It has taken me many emergings to appreciate the gold in the struggle. 

After I retired from work that had given my life meaning and purpose for many years, I went through a process of discerning what was next for me. Out of the struggle, I emerged as a writer. I'd written before, received positive feedback for my skills, and even been published in small journals. My favorite was one associated with the University of Dayton, Explorations: Journal for Adventurous Thought. It delighted me to be included in a journal with that name, to be seen as one who thinks adventurously. But I did not identify myself as a writer.

Now, I have collaborated with four other women and we have just published a book called, Sophia's Table: Women's Wisdom in Five Voices. I am in the process of writing my memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace. And I'm starting this blog. While this is all very exciting, it is also scary. Once more I'm stretching my wings and learning to fly. Memoir writing is very different from the academic papers, personal narratives, and newsletter submissions that have characterized my writing life. I am having to learn the craft. That is fun and challenging for one in her early seventies. Will I be able to produce a book that is interesting for readers? As with all memoir writers, I risk ridicule and judgment as I reveal to the world my authentic and flawed humanity. I am fortunate to have a community of support cheering me on..."Now you can fly," just as I have had with each emerging in my life.

Even though I have never met her, I consider Brené Brown and her book, Daring Greatly, to be a part of my support system. She knows that putting my writing out into the world with no assurance that it will be accepted or appreciated makes me vulnerable. I remind myself daily to dare greatly. 

One facet of my protective chrysalis, remaining invisible, has to go for me to emerge fully. I'm an introvert who finds it difficult to get into lively group discussions, so I often remain silent. I prefer to avoid conflict. My heart pounds and I tremble when offering an opinion that may not be welcomed. Having grown up with neglect, I fear being ignored and discounted as though who I am and what I have to say doesn't matter. Becoming visible through this blog and my writing are acts of courage, part of my process of emerging. Today I dare greatly as I click the publish key.

I find people and the stories of their lives fascinating. That's why I love memoir and personal narrative. I hope you will risk sharing here about your process of emerging, learning to fly, embracing all of who you are meant to be. 

Ponderings:
What "Chrysalis Emerging" experiences have you had in your life?
What is "daring greatly" for you?
What "Now you can fly!" path did you follow?
How has following that path impacted your life?

"Find the thing that stirs your heart and make room for it. 

Life is about the development of self to the point of unbridled joy."

Joan Chittister