Ode to My Mentors

"At the moment of commitment, the entire Universe conspires to assist you."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

January is Mentor's Month and I want to take this opportunity to thank mine.

When I was twelve, Alice Shrock, a recent college graduate, was called to serve our church as a parish worker. I was a lonely child, starved for attention, and Alice gave it to me. I felt loved and valued in her presence. She was the first person to recommend that I attend college and the first to recommend a career in the church. I will always be grateful Alice was in my life. A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to have lunch with her and tell her in person.

I did go to college but didn't follow Alice's encouragement to choose a church career. I simply was too immature and not ready. Then a second encouragement came. This time I was ready.

When I was in my early thirties, Phyllis Wacker served our congregation as a part-time director of Christian education. She challenged my attitudes and behavior, helping me to grow spiritually. One evening she asked to observe me facilitating a small spiritually-oriented group in my home. I think she was suspicious, wondering if I had evolved enough to be able to do this with integrity. She stayed after everyone else left to process the evening. I was thrilled to hear her praise the strength of my leadership, adding "You have gifts as a small group facilitator." She is the second person to suggest a church career for me. Because she actively helped me discern my gifts and call to ministry, I was led to entering seminary, a life changing experience in so many ways.

A seminary professor and core group facilitator, Harold Platz, said to me once, "I don't think you know the impact you have on others." He was so right and I was learning. I'm still learning. Harold was so impressed with a paper I wrote for his New Testament class, "A System's Analysis of the Apostle Paul," that he passed it around the faculty. It eventually found its way to the University of Dayton and was published in two small journals, Explorations: Journal for Adventurous Thought and New Testament Perspectives. I loved being thought of as an adventurous thinker. Because of Harold and many of my seminary professors, I learned that I have writing skills. They consistently praised my clear and concise writing as well as the depth of my thinking. 

There is no way in one short paragraph I can write about the impact of Anne Wilson Schaef on my life. I was deeply involved in her Living-in-Process network for about six years, beginning as a trainee in September 1983. She is a significant spiritual teacher for me, teaching me the importance of making my connection with the deepest part of myself a top priority. She introduced me to Al-Anon, a program that deepened my spiritual life even more. Because of Anne, I was able to bring my personal and professional life into integrity.

And I cannot close without mentioning Nita Leland. We have been working together as writing partners for almost two years. And while we are partners in the writing of our memoirs, I must acknowledge the impact she has had on my life that make her one of my mentors. Without her I would not have a manuscript ready for polishing. Because she is a published author, she is knowledgeable about the business of writing, and has generously shared what she knows with me. She told me once,"I feel that I was chosen to hear your story. I replied, "I feel that it was Divine guidance that brought us together." 

I owe all my mentors a debt of gratitude and I publicly acknowledge them here in my blog. Thank you all for enriching and expanding my life.

Ponderings:
Who have served as your mentors?
How did they enrich and expand your life?
How do you want to acknowledge and thank them?

Fulfilling a Bucket List Wish for Karen

Karen, Dodi, Kathy, Marty, Linda

The authors of Sophia's Table: Women's Wisdom in Five Voices fulfilled one of Karen's bucket list wishes. She wanted to celebrate her birthday with special friends by spending a weekend in Berea, Kentucky. Here we are after Karen's birthday dinner in the historic Boone Tavern Hotel and Restaurant, our home for the weekend. 

Boone Tavern, a LEED Gold Certified Green Hotel, is intricately connected to Berea College, founded in 1855 as the first interracial and coeducational college in the South. Berea charges no tuition and admits only academically promising students, primarily from Appalachia, who have limited economic resources. However, student do come from all over the USA and from more than 60 countries representing a rich diversity of colors, cultures, and faiths. About one in three students represents an ethnic minority.

In an effort to educate the whole person, student labor is a central part of the environment at Berea. Sharing in work promotes community and prepares students for the workplace as they provide service to the College and broader community. They are expected to celebrate work well done, exhibiting the Christian values of human compassion, dignity, and equality. The College has an inclusive Christian character, expressed in its motto, ”God has made of one blood all peoples of the Earth.”  

That was certainly our experience as we were served by students at the desk and in the dining room at Boone Tavern. Friday evening, we approached a server in the dining room. "We'd like to have desert on the porch. Is that possible?"

Valerie responded, "We can make that happen for you."

Valerie, a delightful young woman, recently graduated with a major in psychology. She responded to our curiosity about her. "I wasn't sure I'd meet their qualifications, but my mother encouraged me to apply anyway." Then she added with a chuckle, "When I got my acceptance letter, my mom said it was the first time she was glad to be poor." 

We inquired about the student body, unaware that students came from outside Kentucky. "Oh, students come from all over the world. In fact, I met my husband here and he's from Afghanistan."

One member of our group could not enjoy desert with the rest of us on the stately white columned porch. She has a gluten intolerance. And so, Valerie talked with the Chef and when we celebrated Karen's birthday the next evening in the dining room, there were gluten-free chocolate tortes just for our party.

Berea College is home to a student crafts program committed to preserving traditional Appalachian arts. The town grew around the college. Berea is home to a thriving population of potters, weavers, instrument makers, furniture artisans, jewelry designers, glass workers, painters, sculptors, and musicians. The weather was perfect for our visit, so we greatly enjoyed visiting the many shops that are part of the charm of Berea.

The college also has a longstanding tradition of diversity, social justice, environmental responsibility, and community service. Both the college and the town are committed to the practice of sustainability. Several of the students choose to live "off-the-grid" in the school's Eco-Village, community artists have "adopted" rain barrels to raise conservation awareness, and the town itself has committed to a strategic plan to promote sustainable eco-tourism.

Karen beamed the whole weekend as we all enjoyed helping her celebrate another milestone in her life in this unique locale. Only three hours from Dayton, we'd all recommend this historic town and college as a great get away destination. 

Ponderings:
What's on your bucket list?
How do you honor your unique spirit on your birthday?

A safari in Africa is on my bucket list. I'd love to see the majesty of wild animals in their native habitat while they are still there. I've been hearing many reports about people, including Prince William, who are devoting their lives to protecting these magnificent creatures. I'm grateful for their efforts.

"God danced the day you were born!"
Andrew Lawrence

Sophia's Table Book Signing

Tonight was a big night for the authors of Sophia's Table: Women's Wisdom in Five Voices. We held a book signing at Kettering Library and at least fifty and maybe more of our supporters came to honor us.

We each shared how we got involved in Karen's contemplative writing group, what the group came to mean to us, and how Sophia's Table emerged as a collaboration among us. Then we each read a couple of pieces from our part of the book. 

What a thrill it was to sign books as published authors.  

We want to thank all those who came and helped make this such a special event. We ended our evening celebrating with our guests. 

Karen, Marty, Kathy, Linda, & Dodi

The Language I Speak

I was inside the huge dining room at Omega, sitting alone at one of their big round tables having breakfast. Nian approached, “Is it OK if I join you?” I was happy for the company.

“What workshop are you taking?”

“Memoir Lab with Marge Piercy and Ira Wood.”

         

“Oh, I wanted to take that one but I signed up at the last minute and didn’t have time to read their book, so I thought I’d better not.” Then she shared vulnerably about her reason for “just needing to get away” for the weekend. “Would you mind telling me your story?”

I told her mine and she told me hers. We shared vulnerably and connected meaningfully through the stories that have shaped our lives...through our attempts to make sense of them...to find meaning in them. Within minutes we were in the depths with each other.

As we got up to leave for our respective classes, Nian looked at me and said, “You know, if we had met on the street, we would never have talked. Here I am in my hippie garb...and I looked at you and thought, ‘There’s a good Christian woman.’” Even in that, Nian shared authentically. I laughed heartily at her honesty.

In all probability I will never see Nian again. Yet I feel exceptionally close to her. I find it rare in our culture to move to these vulnerable, authentic depths. However, at Omega, most people were quite comfortable in the deep...speaking my language...my metaphor for making deep, meaningful connections, something I crave, an environment in which I thrive.

I felt a safety at Omega that I generally do not experience. I am an introvert in a world that values extroverts. That it makes sense that I generally do not experience safety became all too clear in a recent column in the Huffington Post. It seems that as recently as 2010 the American Psychiatric Association thought about classifying “introverted personality” as a disorder in the newest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel. In some ways it was a shock to learn that some consider us interior quiet types as mentally ill. In other ways, it is not so shocking. My family, my mother in particular, worried aloud on more than one occasion in the presence of others, “What’s wrong with Linda....” They, too, were not comfortable with my way of being in the world.

The Huffington Post article went on to list twenty-three characteristics of interior quiet types that gave me some clues about “the language” I speak. Many people interpret our need for solitude to recharge our batteries as not liking people. That is far from our truth. I actually crave the mutual vulnerability that results in authentic connection. I am not comfortable with idle chatter because of the barrier I experience it creating between people. Despite being accused of being too intense, I value thought-provoking, philosophical conversations like the one I shared with Nian. I dislike being in groups where conversation gets tossed around like hot potatoes. It takes me awhile to process my thoughts and find a way to express them. I feel much more articulate when I write than when I speak. My best creativity comes when I’m alone and can think things through without interruption. But in fast-paced groups, even when I finally have something to contribute, I can’t get in. I wind up feeling lonely and invisible. I much prefer groups where turns are taken or a leader makes sure that everyone has a chance to have their say.

I was at Omega during family week. There were lots of kids and teens with their families who return for this experience every year. High energy abounded. Omega’s mission is “awakening the best in the human spirit.” The support being given to everyone was phenomenal. Aspiring young musicians staged a concert for us one evening, the culmination of their week of being taught how to perform. We adults in the audience hooted and hollered in support of them, clapping and dancing to their music. It brought tears to my eyes. What a confidence builder for them. I see great things ahead for them. And I wonder what my life might have been like had I experienced that kind of support at their age.

Being among people who speak my language at Omega had a profound influence upon me at my age. I experienced myself being seen, known, and valued, sometimes in most surprising ways. Upon hearing my story, I was told by one attractive 30ish blonde in the Memoir Lab that I am an inspiration to her, that despite the difficulties I've faced in my life, I'm still growing. "I'll remember you." That meant so much to me. Another equally attractive 50ish blonde from the Relax and Write class told me that I’m her favorite writer in our group. I was astounded. There were some very accomplished writers in our group of about thirty-five. She looked at me like I was a celebrity. That night I had difficulty sleeping. I hardly knew myself. It took awhile for it all to sink in. These experiences reminded me of what a beloved seminary professor said to me once, “I don’t think you know the impact you have on others.”

And how could I? When the majority in our culture devalues quiet interiority and some see it as a disorder...when my family worries about something being wrong with me, it has an impact. It has been difficult for me to fathom that I might actually have a positive effect on others...especially when I am relaxed and just being my authentic self, as I was able to be at Omega. I was freer there because I imagined that I would never see those folks again.

I give gratitude for those small pockets of safety where quiet, interior types are seen, valued, and nurtured, where there is space for the speaking of our language, where deep, meaningful connections are made. I am grateful for a phone call I received earlier today from a dear friend right here in Dayton. We dove right into the deep and stayed there for over an hour of meaningful connection. Down there in the deep, my soul is fed and my spirit thrives. Those spaces remind me that I do indeed make a positive impact. I need that. I think we all do.

Ponderings: 
What feeds your soul? 
What makes your spirit thrive? 
What language do you speak?

"This is the soulful meaning of happiness: 

to live the life that is truly ours, 

to give the most of who we essentially are."  

Jack Weber

"The greatest gift you can give others is your best you—your healthiest you."

Joseph J. Sweere

Celebrating at Lily's Bistro

329 E. 5^th Street in the Oregon District

www.lilysbistro.com

Three of five authors, Karen, Kathy, and Linda, celebrated the publication of Sophia’s Table at Lily’s Bistro in the Oregon District last Saturday evening. Marty is vacationing in Wales and Dodi lives near Oxford, so they were unable to join us. We wanted to support a local establishment and decided to go someplace new to us. What a treat we were in for!!  

Lily’s is a mother-daughter venture. Lily is a combination of their two names LIsa (mother) and EmiLY (daughter). Since the by-line of our book is Women’s Wisdom in Five Voices, we really liked that we women were honoring these women. 

In good “daring greatly” fashion, I announced to the waitress that we were authors who had collaborated on a book that had just been published. Before we knew it, Emily was gifting us with three glasses of wine to toast our accomplishment. They treated us like royalty. What fun.

It was difficult to choose an entrée because we wanted to try everything on the menu. Kathy chose Greek orzo spinach salad, Karen chose pineapple-chipotle BBQ chicken (free-range), and Linda chose vegan pesto angel hair pasta. We added two of their unusual and terrific sides. Be sure to ask about their sides. There were lots of “Yum yum, this is really good,” expressed round the table. We gave a thumbs up to Executive Chef, Mariah Gahagan, who has worked at several other quality restaurant kitchens in our area.

Lily’s is owned by the Mendenhall family of Dayton. Blind Bob’s across the street is their father-son venture. It is named after father, Bob, who is gradually losing his sight as the result of a degenerative eye condition. Nate, the son, is the general manager. Emily returned to Dayton to manage Lily’s after working in restaurants in Chicago and New Orleans.  

Lily’s seats about 80 in the dining room and 75 on two charming outdoor patios. There is a private room that seats twelve. Menus will change four times a year with the seasons and include vegan and gluten-free options along with a variety of small plates. In addition to an extensive selection of cocktails, the bar serves a rotating, seasonal selection of craft beers and wines.

The Mendenhall’s are noted for treating their employees well and for giving back to the community. When another Oregon District restaurant closed and checks were bouncing, Blind Bob’s threw a benefit for Sidebar’s employees. It’s fun to hear the stories of locals who take the risk to provide the rest of us with quality products and entertainment. Kudos to the Mendenhall family! And thank you to Lily’s for an elegant and scrumptious dining experience. 

DDN on September 15 & Book Signing on October 1

I talked with Sharon Short today and she told me that Sophia's Table will be featured next Sunday in the Dayton Daily News. We very much appreciate her support.

Check out: Sharon Short's Literary Arts column
           Dayton Daily News
           Sunday, September 15, 2013. 

The five authors of Sophia's Table: Women's Wisdom in Five Voices will be offering an Author Roundtable on October 1. In addition to signing books, we'll share some of the stories from our book to nourish, comfort, and inspire you. We hope you will join us.

Mark your calendar: Tuesday, October 1 from 6:30-8.
                    Kettering-Moraine Library
                    3496 Far Hills Avenue  
                    (between Dorothy Lane & Stroop)

Formative Experiences in Florida in the Early Fifties

Here's a picture of the gasoline station my father purchased in 1951.

Dad was the kind of guy who never knew a stranger. Wish I had that attribute. He and Mom made friends with a Greek couple whose family owned a local deep sea fishing business. A part of their business was taking tourists on tours to demonstrate how they dove for sponges. Steve gave Dad an old sponge diving suit to hang in front of the station to attract tourists. We'd refer tourists to their dock. In exchange, we got to go deep sea fishing anytime we wanted for free.

Steve was 24, dark and handsome, and I had a crush on him. I was nine. He didn't have any children, so he doted on my brother and me. He went out of his way to ensure that we had a fantastic experience.

I'd heard tales of sea sickness, and was a little scared when we set sail on our first deep sea fishing excursion. Little did I know what a treat I was in for. Once we were in the Gulf of Mexico, out of sight of land, Steve excitedly called my brother and me to the front of the boat. He carefully lifted us over the bow so that we could see dolphins playing follow the leader along side. That began my love affair with these magnificent creatures.

Living in Florida for that year in the early 1950's formed who I would become in many ways. It was a part of my emerging into a fuller human being. It was a captivating experience. 

Something to ponder and share if you are willing: 

The early formative experiences I have had that contributed to me emerging into a fuller human being are...

An aside...twice in my adult life I've had an opportunity to swim with dolphins. What fun!!

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
Ernestine Ulmer